the heartache of being a "helper"

and how to have a body at ease

If you are in a helper or caretaker role of some sort where you are regularly exposed to difficult material, it can be tricky to know how to slough off the emotional weight when the caretaking day is done and it’s time to go home. Stories of people’s suffering or hardships is not easy to forget, and many helping professionals (case workers, addictions counselors, bodyworkers, therapists, clergy, parents of special needs children, first responders, etc.) hear these stories all day long… and it can be extremely challenging to return to light-heartedness and joy after being exposed to such heavy material.

I personally really struggled with this in the past. My own unresolved traumas would constantly be triggered as I held space for my clients’ suffering, plus my deep-feeling heart would hurt for what my clients were going through, and I would carry home their burdens. It was such a weight! I wrestled through what to do about it; I wanted to keep seeing clients and doing what I loved, but I had to find a way to do it without suffering in my own body, otherwise compassion fatigue would settle in and I’d lose my ability to continue. There was the advice to simply “shut off” my emotional responses entirely, to become numb to clients’ suffering. I heard of certain professions (like ER nurses and docs) where this was “necessary”, and I pondered if that was the right way forward for me. I also considered if I was simply in the wrong job, and that if I was such a deep feeler then maybe I’d have to resort to jobs in which things were kept light and easy so that I didn’t carry people’s pain. I couldn’t seem to find the right person, course, or information that would tell me what I should do about my dilemma: being a tender-hearted gal exposed to great amounts of suffering in her clients’ lives and bodies.

Enter somatics. The one place that I discovered had answers for me was the very place I received my training in how to work with my clients. It turns out that the same body-oriented strategies that are so effective for working through trauma, are also just the thing I needed for dealing with my vicarious trauma—that sticky residue that clings to the heart, mind, and body of folks who hold space for the traumatized and wounded.

So after lots of consultation with top somatic trainers, innumerable personal somatic sessions where a practitioner could hold space for all I was carrying from my clients’ material, plus years of developing strategies for myself in how to move through and out of my own emotional and physiological responses to difficult client material, I now feel confident enough to teach it to others. The routines and practices I have put in place afford me access to the lightheartedness and joy that is the birthright of ALL of us—including those of us who work with really difficult client situations or who are constantly having to caretake for those that are suffering. And all without a diminished capacity for truly feeling what my clients are going through and being able to meet them with heartfelt compassion and empathy.

I’m still a very deep feeler. I still hurt when a client shares a heartbreaking story from their life. I still feel the pain my clients express around the disconnection, dysfunction, and trauma they have endured. But now, I have proven strategies to move through it and walk away unscathed, my body free from the burden of my clients’ trauma.

So, being an educator at heart, I’ve put together a course so that others have access to these game-changing strategies as well. Because we need our helping professionals to be able to keep at it! We are in a world that desperately needs compassionate and attuned help. So let us do all that we can as helpers to stay healthy and to prevent burnout, so we can continue to do the thing we originally set out to do when we entered this role: help people well.

My course is called Healthy Helpers: Developing Therapeutic Longevity, and it’s an online course with live sessions that will take place on Fridays, 12:15-1:45pm (think long lunch break) from February 28 to April 4 (6 weeks). All sessions will be recorded and sent out to participants afterwards, and you’ll have access to the material for as long as you need.

You can check out all the details here, and reach out if you have any questions. Note that the early bird rate ends in 6 days (on Feb 7), so sign up now if interested!

Have any people in your life that serve as a helping professional in some way? Please pass on the word about this course. Thank you!

Enjoy your weekend!
Allie